When I got to the office this morning, I checked my voice mail and Rick had left me message wanting me to call him back.
I called Rick and here is our conversation:
RW: Hey Matt, since you have expressed such in interest in the state of SoCal, I was wondering if you interested in a job with the new administration?
MEF: Oh yes, definitely. I’ve always wanted to be Secretary of Defense or a four star general. It is like playing risk or Axis and Allies, but in real life.
RW: Well, we aren’t an independent nation yet so we don’t have any defense forces.
MEF: Right. Well, I’m a pretty sharp lawyer, I wouldn’t mind a slot on the Supreme Court of SoCal possibly as chief justice or maybe just an associate justice.
RW: Funny you should mention that, Tony Rackauckas our new attorney general is in my waiting room. He is heading our team, to select justices, would you like to talk to him?
MEF: Hell yeah.
RW: Ok. (to Tony) . Tony get in here, I think we have a guy to fill a slot on the Supreme Court.
20-30 second delay, doors opening and shutting
TR: Rackauckas, here.
MEF: Hey Tony, congrats on getting the AG job!
TR: Thanks. That fucking guy Chumkowski thought it was all his, as the token liberal jew in the administration. But that wasn’t going to happen.
MEF: You mean Erwin Chemerinsky?
TR: Yeah, whatever his name is. He is in for something, I tell you what. We’ll see how he looks working at the Robert Bork School of Law, and teaching Tony R's version of criminal procedure.
MEF: Yeah, fuck him. He was a shitty con law prep teacher for the bar anyway.
RW: Yeah fuck him.
TR: Anyway Matt, Rick tells me you want a slot on the Supreme Court. I have to tell you the qualifications are pretty high and I’m not sure if you are the guy for it.
MEF: Yeah I know I didn’t goto Harvard or was on law review. But University of San D, I mean Port Reagan is a pretty good school you know.
TR: I don’t give a shit about law review.
MEF: Neither did I.
TR: We need to know where you stand on abortion.
MEF: Well, I was thinking about this. My position is that any killing of life or potential life is murder. I would hold any discharge of semen without intent to procreate or menestration is murder, as it is killing sperms and eggs. This would really set the precedent that it is a child not a choice.
TR: I like the way you think.
RW: What about wet dreams?
TR and MEF: no intent
RW: intent to do what?
TR: It is accidental, so the wet dreamer does not intend to kill his sperm.
MEF: Yeah, Rick, you need to brush up on your Model Penal Code.
MEF: On crime, I am as a hard as Chinese arithmetic. I have been emailing back and forth with Nancy Grace and she has agreed to be cloned around 150 times. We can use these clones to sit as perma-juries in criminal cases.
RW: Whoah, lets back up the truck here Texas. Did you use stem cells to create these clones?
MEF: Come on Rick. That really hurt my feelings . Nancy is getting cloned through prayer, abstinence, and more prayer. We read about this in one of the Left Behind books. So far she already has 12 clones made. That is one jury!
TR: Those books were fucking terrible. Did you ever seen the movie?
MEF: Yeah, I saw the first one, Kirk Cameron was in it as was the black guy from Top Gun.
RW: Hollywood?
TR: Sundown, you moron. I think he was also the token black guy on Hans Gruber’s mercenary team in Die Hard.
MEF: Theo?
TR: No, Hans Gruber. Jesus Christ, who the fuck else was black in that movie?
RW: The limo driver.
MEF: Good point, Rick.
RW: And don’t forget, the fat guy from family matters.
MEF: Oh yeah forgot about him. Did you know Family Matters was a spin off of perfect strangers.
TR: standing tall….
RW: Alright, we can’t be talking about blatantly homosexual stuff like Top Gun and Perfect Strangers. Let’s just agree that there were three black characters in Die Hard.
TR: Balki and Larry were just roommates.
RW and MEF: Whatever.
RW: (under his breath) - fag.
MEF: Hey, I gotta run to court now, so I hope you like my qualifications Tony.
TR: send me over your resume.
MEF: Will do.
RW: Good talking to you Matt, I have so more stuff to share with you. Wanna do lunch tomorrow?
MEF: Sure thing, Rick, noon, say Appelbees in Huntington Beach?
RW: Isn't it in Fountain Valley? I prefer Islands anyway.
MEF: Well there is an Islands in Fountain Valley and HB, which one do you prefer?
RW: I actually like the one in Mission Viejo better.
TR: You guys are a bunch of losers. Olive Garden is far superior for food and juror selection. You get me a jury of 12 Olive Garden patrons and I could convict a minority as fast Rick could find the bottom to their bottomless salad.
MEF: Well, Rick I gotta run, text me where you want to go and I'll meet you there. Any place besides Olive Garden.
RW: Will do.
TR: Later.
.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
State of South California
I learned today, I may soon be living in a new state. Apparently visionaries in Riverside, Orange, San Bernardino, San Diego and a couple other crappy counties like Kern have figured out how to run a government without anyone paying taxes. They plan to form the State of South California ("SoCal") and kick North California to the curb. Despite Jerry Brown giving them an effective "fuck off" by saying if you want to live in a right wing shit hole, Arizona is only 200 miles away, these founding fathers are undaunted.
I decided I needed to learn more about my new home. I figured Rick Warren would know the purpose behind all this stuff so I gave him a call. Rick was cheerful when I spoke to him and while he didn't have long to chat he gave me a preview of what to expect: :
1) Rename of cities. Rick said this goes with the territory. South Africa did it after apartheid, and we'll do it here as well. First, Santa Ana, will become Westmoreland. If we are going to name a city after a general who lost a war, it sure as hell won't be some Mexican guy. San Diego will be become Port Reagan.
2) Education: Teaches shall get paid minimum wage, which won't exist in SoCal, so they will essentially be indentured servants of the private corporations which will now teach our children. All this crap we currently learn about Native Americans once living here, and once being part of Mexico will be stricken. It is well known that Irvine and South Coast plaza have been standing for over 4,000 years and were founded by one of the lost tribes of Israel not mentioned in the Book of Mormon.
3) State Capital: Garden Grove. Why you ask? Because the Crystal Cathedral is for sale, and this will make an excellent capital building.
4) Same-Sex Marriage: The government of SoCal will not allow marriage to be redefined by a few weirdos living in Palm Springs and Hillcrest. Rather, it will tax all bars in Hillcrest a 15% surcharge and use the funds to finance a Straightening Re-Education camp located near Joshua Tree National Park.
5) Fiscal Policy: There are no taxes in SoCal (except those mentioned in line 4). If we did have taxes, how would our Job Creators create jobs? To fund the government, SoCal plans to lobby Congress for 3 new aircraft carriers to be built in Port Reagan and gets lots of pork presumbably funded by tax payers elsewhere.
6) Getting Ronald Reagan's Body out of NoCal: Rick said, if those fuckers don't turn it over, I'm personally calling Jesus to send a tsunami so large up their ass, they'll wish they were living in the movie 2012.
Rick then had to go. He told me to call him back tomorrow for another update, so I will and pass on what he said.
.
I decided I needed to learn more about my new home. I figured Rick Warren would know the purpose behind all this stuff so I gave him a call. Rick was cheerful when I spoke to him and while he didn't have long to chat he gave me a preview of what to expect: :
1) Rename of cities. Rick said this goes with the territory. South Africa did it after apartheid, and we'll do it here as well. First, Santa Ana, will become Westmoreland. If we are going to name a city after a general who lost a war, it sure as hell won't be some Mexican guy. San Diego will be become Port Reagan.
2) Education: Teaches shall get paid minimum wage, which won't exist in SoCal, so they will essentially be indentured servants of the private corporations which will now teach our children. All this crap we currently learn about Native Americans once living here, and once being part of Mexico will be stricken. It is well known that Irvine and South Coast plaza have been standing for over 4,000 years and were founded by one of the lost tribes of Israel not mentioned in the Book of Mormon.
3) State Capital: Garden Grove. Why you ask? Because the Crystal Cathedral is for sale, and this will make an excellent capital building.
4) Same-Sex Marriage: The government of SoCal will not allow marriage to be redefined by a few weirdos living in Palm Springs and Hillcrest. Rather, it will tax all bars in Hillcrest a 15% surcharge and use the funds to finance a Straightening Re-Education camp located near Joshua Tree National Park.
5) Fiscal Policy: There are no taxes in SoCal (except those mentioned in line 4). If we did have taxes, how would our Job Creators create jobs? To fund the government, SoCal plans to lobby Congress for 3 new aircraft carriers to be built in Port Reagan and gets lots of pork presumbably funded by tax payers elsewhere.
6) Getting Ronald Reagan's Body out of NoCal: Rick said, if those fuckers don't turn it over, I'm personally calling Jesus to send a tsunami so large up their ass, they'll wish they were living in the movie 2012.
Rick then had to go. He told me to call him back tomorrow for another update, so I will and pass on what he said.
.
Intro
This blog has had some fits and starts over the past few months. Well here we are. I will write about stuff that interests me, law, peace, war, music, sports, and whatever else is on my mind. Don't be offended by anything you read here, it is just one man's opinion.
ps- if you don't know the origin of the blog's name, let's just say you should learn.
ps- if you don't know the origin of the blog's name, let's just say you should learn.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Best Way to Make Money
I'll probably return to this theme a lot. There is quite a backstory to this, but in essence I've learned the best way to become rich is to teach (for a fee of course) someone else how to make money. This applies to Real Estate Gurus - see Carelton Sheets, various pyramid schemes such as Amway and Mary Kay, and the Rich Dad guy. I can't say whether "rich dad" and "poor dad" are real people, but I can say the author became a lot wealthier telling people about them.
This also applies to those who do it under the gambit of educating others. There are a lot of attorneys who will for a hefty fee teach other attorneys how to make more money litigating various issues such as Bankruptcy Litigation and Fair Debt Collection.
I have had peripheral involvement in at least two "get rich quick scams" and they are both pretty funny. I also quasi dated a person, who was really into selling some fruit juice called Monavie. These are pretty funny stories.
The reality is there is no template to making a lot of money. Sure you could say "start facebook", "win the lottery", or even "work hard". All of these are true, and will make you rich, but for every guy who wins the lottery millions lose, and many poor people work very hard. I have no doubt some people have a secret to make money, and guess what - they use their know how to make money - for themselves. They would in fact lose money if they taught these secrets to others, as it would no longer be a secret.
Point: If you are paying someone to teach you how to make money, the only person profiting is themselves.
This also applies to those who do it under the gambit of educating others. There are a lot of attorneys who will for a hefty fee teach other attorneys how to make more money litigating various issues such as Bankruptcy Litigation and Fair Debt Collection.
I have had peripheral involvement in at least two "get rich quick scams" and they are both pretty funny. I also quasi dated a person, who was really into selling some fruit juice called Monavie. These are pretty funny stories.
The reality is there is no template to making a lot of money. Sure you could say "start facebook", "win the lottery", or even "work hard". All of these are true, and will make you rich, but for every guy who wins the lottery millions lose, and many poor people work very hard. I have no doubt some people have a secret to make money, and guess what - they use their know how to make money - for themselves. They would in fact lose money if they taught these secrets to others, as it would no longer be a secret.
Point: If you are paying someone to teach you how to make money, the only person profiting is themselves.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Citizen Initiatives
I think direct democracy sucks. Namely because your average person is some combination of not very smart nor very informed about the issues. Theoretically, elected representatives are supposedly to represent us, but when then fail to do so, we have the ability to goto the ballot to rectify the wrongs. At least this was the idea when citizen referenda were instituted in the Progressive Era.
However, in the modern era, it is about as classic example of astroturfing as it gets. Virtually every citizen initiative seems to take away the rights of a suspect class i.e. gays, immigrants, criminal defendants, and parolees etc.... or they give people what they want i.e. lower taxes, or more services, but no balancing on how to pay for what. I mean you never see an initiative saying maybe incarcerating 1.4 million people is a sign of a deficient criminal justice system.
This article sums it up well. Most insulting in this whole process is Henry Nicholas. He is a big advocate of victims rights, if the accused is poor and preferably non-white. However, for people like him, he is a big fan of things like due process, the 5th amendment and high priced lawyers.
However, in the modern era, it is about as classic example of astroturfing as it gets. Virtually every citizen initiative seems to take away the rights of a suspect class i.e. gays, immigrants, criminal defendants, and parolees etc.... or they give people what they want i.e. lower taxes, or more services, but no balancing on how to pay for what. I mean you never see an initiative saying maybe incarcerating 1.4 million people is a sign of a deficient criminal justice system.
This article sums it up well. Most insulting in this whole process is Henry Nicholas. He is a big advocate of victims rights, if the accused is poor and preferably non-white. However, for people like him, he is a big fan of things like due process, the 5th amendment and high priced lawyers.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Red States on Welfare
The recent election seemed to prove Americans don't taxes. Or is it defecits. Or is it a bad economy. I also learned rich people are not wealthly people, they are "job creators". Apparently, giving them a tax break will create oodles of jobs for the masses. Presumbably these jobs will be better than working at Wal-Mart or Arby's but that remains to be seen.
This post was inspired by a conversation I had recently with a guy from Georgia. I was at the bar watching my beloved college football team get destroyed. I made some muttering about how it'd be nice to goto bowl game before I'm 40, and the gentlemen next to me said his team sucked this year too. Anyhow, as it tends to go, once the debate about whether Herschel Walker or Michael Stipe is the most prominent UGA grad ended, it turned to politics.
This gentlemen was a Republican. His whole argument was the Georgia and "all the red states" have balanced budgets and kickass economies while us liberals in blue states have massive unemployment because we tax the job creators and pay our teachers and prison guards 100s of thousands dollars a year. We chatted a little more, and he said he was voting for Romney and I said, I usually don't vote for people with magic underwear and his response was you voted for Harry Reid, right? Good comeback. Anyhow, I was kind of drunk and forgot about the conversation for awhile.
Recently, I read an article that California was "net payer" in the federal tax system. That is for every $1.00 Californians pay in federal taxes, it gets less than $1.00 back. Here is a list from 2006.
Take a look. Mainly red states on the dole. Maybe if us Californians demanded our fair share back, our budget crisis would go away, and the people of Kentucky could actually do something useful life get educated.
This post was inspired by a conversation I had recently with a guy from Georgia. I was at the bar watching my beloved college football team get destroyed. I made some muttering about how it'd be nice to goto bowl game before I'm 40, and the gentlemen next to me said his team sucked this year too. Anyhow, as it tends to go, once the debate about whether Herschel Walker or Michael Stipe is the most prominent UGA grad ended, it turned to politics.
This gentlemen was a Republican. His whole argument was the Georgia and "all the red states" have balanced budgets and kickass economies while us liberals in blue states have massive unemployment because we tax the job creators and pay our teachers and prison guards 100s of thousands dollars a year. We chatted a little more, and he said he was voting for Romney and I said, I usually don't vote for people with magic underwear and his response was you voted for Harry Reid, right? Good comeback. Anyhow, I was kind of drunk and forgot about the conversation for awhile.
Recently, I read an article that California was "net payer" in the federal tax system. That is for every $1.00 Californians pay in federal taxes, it gets less than $1.00 back. Here is a list from 2006.
Take a look. Mainly red states on the dole. Maybe if us Californians demanded our fair share back, our budget crisis would go away, and the people of Kentucky could actually do something useful life get educated.
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